Who Am I?

Today is not so much focused on my kids as it is focused on the mother of my kids. ( I don’t even refer to myself by name anymore.) You see, I seem to have lost some of my own identity on the motherhood journey.

Today Mark and I took the older 3 kids bowling. (When you can take your older 3 kids somewhere, that means you have a LOT of kids.) I digress…. We took the kids bowling and I was having fun and dancing to the music at the bowling alley–normal bowling alley stuff. Elena was giggling and she said, “Wow, you’re in a good mood!” I got thinking about that comment. My first thought was I’m always in a good mood. Then I thought Apparently, I’m not always in a good mood if she made a comment. Then I remembered back to before having kids I USED to always be in a good mood. I guess I’m all about business a lot of the time. It’s hard watching 4 kids and doing a mountain of business paperwork and taking care of the house. Maybe I don’t have TIME to be in a good mood anymore. Then I remembered what one mom in MOPS said on Wednesday. I’m the box that the baby came in.
Allow me to explain: On Wednesday Lisa, one of my mom friends from MOPS said that we as moms sometimes treat ourselves as “the box that the baby came in.” When I go out I always make sure that my kids look good and presentable. They have their hair brushed (I swear Christina’s hair doesn’t like that in the morning), nice clothes, and are taken care of. Me? Not so much. I go to the grocery store and the bank all of the time in my half pajamas–hoping the whole time that I don’t run into my mother. (She would probably pinch me….) As my friend Lisa said, I treat myself as the box the baby came in. Like I am just a glorified caretaker. Just a chauffeur for those adorable children.
I guess that’s why I’m blogging. This is an attempt to remember what I once was–and what I used to love to do. I remember when I wanted to be a writer. Then I also wanted to work on the Spanish language. I just love languages. Somewhere along the way I became an unpaid daycare worker and bookkeeper. Neither job is really too glorious. They are, however, necessary. I want to remember the day when my life was so full of promise. I just have to figure out how that fits in with my family. That could take a lot of time to ponder.
I feel much better now. My rant is done and now I have to finish filing all of my year end reports. Adios.

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